Mega Nun Magazine: An Interview With Sheila Romaine, Nassau County’s Best Nun

by Kate Schulman 

By: Jan Ottinger

I've sat down and hurriedly ordered us both Mo Goo Gai. Ms. Romaine does not like to wait. All of sudden, she appears; like a burst of light. Like the mother of Jesus herself, Ms. Romaine waltzes into P.F. Chang's like she owns the place, and it almost seems as if she does. Her black habit, sitting firm and stiff atop her head, contrasts with the restaurant’s high energy and family values as she strides through, nearly crashing into a waiter holding six plates of spare ribs. The customers dare to get a peek at her. They’re afraid. And they like it.

 JAN: Before we start, I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to sit with me, Ms. Romaine.

SHEILA: [smoking a cigarette] My pleasure. Now whom do I have to repent to in order to obtain an ashtray around here?

JAN: [laughing] Oh, they did say you had a great sense of humor, Ms. Romaine! I bet you have a lot of good nun jokes.

SHEILA: Yeah, I do! And I am not going to waste nun on you! [Bursts into laughter, eats cigarette]

JAN: [Wiping eyes] Oh, Ms. Romaine––

SHEILA: Please, call me Sheila.

JAN: Oh, Sheila. You are probably the most interesting nun we’ve ever interviewed, and we’ve hardly even started.

SHEILA: Well, it’s my pleasure to please the masses.

JAN: Speaking of masses––you’ve been named Nassau County’s best nun for seven years in a row. I mean, what’s that like?

SHEILA: Well, I’ll tell you: it isn’t easy. Between conducting mass for the deaf in Bethpage to teaching Sunday school to unruly little Catholic boys in Massapequa, I have had hardly any time to work on my book. It isn’t easy being a traveling nun. [Starts to put ice cubes in her habit]

JAN: Oh, a book? Please, do tell us more.

SHEILA: Well, if you must know, I am publishing a book called Nunnery Business, a play on the phrase, “none of your business.” It is about a group of nuns who start a cupcake bakery in Syosset. I’m expecting to release it later this year, or whenever I finish building my hutch for my outdoor animals.

JAN: I have heard that you love to do D.I.Y activities when you’re not baptizing and preaching. What do the other nuns think of you performing these tasks? Do they consider it to be unholy?

SHEILA: You know…[sighs]…I’ve learned over time to forgive. Forgive and forget. Or as Lauren Conrad once said, “I’m going to forgive you, and I’m going to forget you.” So I don’t let it bother me much.

JAN: Ah, so it seems the other nuns aren’t so keen on you participating in these sorts of activities.

SHEILA: Nah. There’s a lot of bending involved, and that’s considered unholy. I’ve been as straight as a board for forty-three years. If you know what I mean.

JAN: What exactly do you mean?

SHEILA: Well...I’ve had to visit my physical therapist, Dr. Puglisi, on more than one occasion after making my niece a bunk bed.

JAN: [a relieved look crosses her face] Oh. Okay. Yeah, that’s what I thought you meant.

SHEILA: From bending after so long of not––

JAN: Yeah, I got what you meant.

SHEILA: I also once gave a man a couple of ecstasy tablets on the Throgs Neck, but I won’t tell if you don’t!

Shortly after Ms. Romaine’s shocking announcement, The Mo Goo Gai has arrived. Our eyes darted to the plates filled with Goo-goodness. We both cried tears of joy, and Sheila took off her habit, whirled it around like a lasso, and began dumping pounds of Mo Goo Gai into it. Still piping hot, she dumped all of it into the black abyss, still damp from the ice cube incident. Laughing maniacally, she ran out of P.F. Changs, shouting about a park in Jericho that needed cleaning up. A beautiful lady, customers cried as Sheila left, bowing as she crashed through the glass window. But you needn’t worry, dear reader; she merely tumbled out onto the asphalt, rolled under a 1999 Toyota White Expedition, and into the road upon where she was met by the Nun Bus which took her away and back to the congregation.

Until next time my dear readers,

Jan Ottinger xoxoxo

Editor in Chief of Mega Nun Magazine

Dazay - Hands Up feat. Khaya

"We made this song as a response to the recent police brutality that has occurred close to us. Listen, sing along, share, take a stand. Be part of the positive change that has to happen."

BEACON MUSIC at ARLENE'S GROCERY

Come to our first Arlene's Gig of 2015!
Three great Beacon Bands will perform killer sets at NYC's famous downtown venue, Arlene's Grocery. You do NOT want to miss the fun and the music.

95 Stanton Street on January 30th at 7pm SHARP.

Don't let the music die!

Pictures from the Bitter End

Did you miss Beacon Singer Songwriters perform at NYC's historic venue, the Bitter End? If so, then you really missed out. Check out the photos up on the music page to make you feel better. But the real way to solve the problem is to come to the SPRING SEMESTER performance! Details TBA. In the mean time, enjoy these photo's taken by Beacon music/music production instructor and talented photographer, Mark Via.

Where Do We Go After Garner, Brown, Graham and Gurley?

by Rob Silverman-Ascher          

            In my short life thus far, I’ve frequently found myself asking how we as a nation are safe. Who keeps us safe? How safe do they keep us?  Why do they keep us safe? When I was very young, I took it on faith that all police forces keep everyone safe everywhere. But the answer to one question has my view: do the police protect us equally?

            While growing up in lower Manhattan, I would always see police doing their jobs, from patrolling to making arrests. But then, on September 11th, 2001, the police took on a greater significance. I was home when the Twin Towers were hit. My preschool hadn’t started yet. But, in a matter of minutes, dust started flying through the air. My mom had it in her mind to take me to a friend’s house, just so we could get away from it. On our way to my friend’s house, we saw a station set up by the NYPD. They were checking IDs and clearing people to pass 14th Street. This fueled my childhood respect for the police. I could tell that, in the time of our shared tragedy, they were really trying to make things safe.

            I don’t quite remember when I first became aware of police brutality. Even in the relatively lower class neighborhood of my middle school, the police presence was nurturing, familial even. But I know that I was aware of the bad that our “protectors” could perpetrate. Maybe I saw their guns and assumed that sometimes people died at their hands. To a kid, a cop’s mission is to “stop the bad guys”. As a child, I was aware that this was never so black-and-white. From an early age, I was aware of the stories of Amadou Diallo and Abner Louima, two men of African descent who were abused at the hands of New York City cops. Louima was savagely beaten and sodomized, and Diallo was killed. Even though the police were supposed to be our protectors, I think I realized that this was not a perfect system.

            The first time that I was truly outraged by the death of an innocent at the hands of a commanding force was, like many others, Trayvon Martin’s death. He was not that much older than me, something that I continually reflected on in the wake of his killing. Initially, I was incensed at George Zimmerman for doing the job of the police. How could he take crime into his own hands? What gave him the right? Why couldn’t he just let cops investigate? Surely, if the police had investigated, they would have just seen a young African-American kid wearing a hoodie walking home. Until the lack of prosecution, I just chalked it up to the perceived racism of the South (there goes my Northern elitism!). But, when George Zimmerman walked away scot-free, I was shocked to see that the justice system didn’t really care at all about Trayvon. Sure, the “Stand Your Ground” law protected Zimmermann, but the jury really could have investigated the fact that this was a 17-year-old kid texting and invalidated the “Stand Your Ground” law.

            And now we are in 2014. After the death of Michael Brown this summer at the hands of an officer in Ferguson, Missouri, I was more aware of how shockingly racially charged police killings have been lately. Many people attributed his death to his robbery of a deli, but his stopping was not connected to this. Officer Darren Wilson stopped him because he was not walking on the sidewalk. A question that I have frequently thought about was, “if I, a white kid in New York City, was seen by a cop walking in the street, would anything happen?” My answer always shocks me. The odds are, I would not get stopped. I would also not be killed. But, for a while, I chalked it up to the cultural practices of that small town in Missouri. But in July 2014 on Staten Island, a man was choked to death by cops in front of a bodega after an argument with police He was 6 feet, 4 inches, 350 pounds, and selling loose cigarettes. The fact that three plainclothes officers sought him out and brought him down surprised me. All for selling loose cigarettes? That was where I found the answer to my vital question. The police do not protect equally. Or even treat people equally. Regardless of the legal jargon that gives police officers immunity, there is an issue that Officers Wilson and Pantaleo were not prosecuted. Regardless of Michael Brown or Eric Garner’s race, they should not be dead for their minor offenses.

            Focusing on Eric Garner and Michael Brown’s cases barely scratch the surface. Ramarley Graham went to turn around in order to put his hands up and was killed in the Bronx in 2012. Akai Gurley was killed in a dark stairwell by an officer doing a “vertical sweep”, essentially searching his project house for criminal activity without a warrant. Akai was collateral damage. And finally, there’s the story of Tamir Rice, the 12-year-old with a toy gun who was killed in Cleveland

            Asking the question of whether or not the police protect equally should not end up as a condemnation of police officers. It should instead formulate discussions of what can be done to fix the issues that are plaguing our police systems. It has been hard for me to reconcile the two images of police officers in my mind: the saviors and security guards of post-9/11 New York juxtaposed with the over reactive killers of these police brutality cases. There needs to be a way to ensure that officers are more frequently the former than the latter. When I ask myself if we are protected equally, I am saddened when I look at the precedent. But I have hope for future changes.

Introducing, Students Organizing Students (S.O.S)

By Eve Grassfield

Students Organizing Students is a new club meeting Mondays in room 204 at 3pm supporting beacon youth activism, the current protests on police brutality and larger issues of race, sexism and environmental issues. It's a great outlet to get involved and stay involved in the solution toward a equal and sustainable world. Currently, we are looking for new members willing to stay active or just willing to become more informed. Everyone is welcome and every point of view is encouraged. Tangible change is debilitated without action. Get involved!

ATTENTION BEACON ACTRESSES AND ACTIVISTS

By Clare Zad

This year Beacon will be participating in V-day, a global campaign against domestic violence. We will be putting on an entirely student produced, and directed benefit production of The Vagina Monologues in February. If you are interested in acting (no cis-gendered males, sorry!), then PLEASE come to auditions, which will be held in room 204 on January 13th and 15th. You will be asked to read a monologue of your choice from the play for 1-2 minutes. To get a copy of the script, check outside room 204 or email czad@beaconschool.org. If you have any questions, feel free to contact any of the producers or directors (Pia Koh, Dea Devlin, Henry Bock, Emma Callahan, Stella Katz, and Beatrice Killkelly-Schmidt).

Click above to watch the film from their website

For more info on V-day or The Vagina Monologues: http://www.vday.org/

Open Gallery

As an addition to the pages and sections we have lined up to categorize all the submissions The Beacon Beat gets, we have decided to add the Gallery.  Here, students will be able to submit their visual art pieces and poems.  You do not have to be a professional poet, or in art honors to have your art published! Check it out, and enjoy! 

Existential Crisis by Gabby Ortiz