By Darci Siegel
If I was given a dollar for every time I witnessed slut shaming within my middle school and high school career, I’d be a millionaire. Words like slut, whore and thot are tossed around casually and affectionately within everyday conversations, but the use of these words is actually a form of degradation.
“Your shirt is too tight and low-cut. You’re such a whore.”
“You hooked up with him on Saturday night? Stop being such a slut.”
I don’t agree with your opinion on fracking. Stop being political, you’re just a thot.”
As a young woman, I find our generation to be a extremely confusing time to grow up- every day I witness constant contradictions around what it means to be a “powerful woman.” I watch women on the news fighting for abortion rights and to pass Equal Pay bills, but I also Miley Cyrus twerking on MTV. This is a perplexing dichotomy, as it’s been made it clear that I can be either professional and powerful, or sexy and powerful. But why do I have to choose? Why can’t I be professional, powerful and sexy? I’ve been told that I have the right to feel empowered about my mind, body and sexuality, but why am I shamed and shut down by my peers for trying to be some sort of smart-serious-sexy-powerful fusion?
Like many girls, from an early age I’ve been significantly impacted by the portrayal of women in media, movies, and by the beauty standards set by Victoria’s Secret Models. (Note to 7-year-old self: pretty, sexy stuff = fame, fanciness, and prince charming). I’ve learned that I need to be smart but not too smart because boys don’t like that. I need to be skinny, but not anorexic. I can wear makeup- but not too much, or else I’ll appear too “thirsty.” I need to be respectable but not prudish; sexual, but not too sexual because then I’m a slut. Why does it always lead back to that word?
There is no real definition for the word slut these days, because in today’s culture we’ve created an infinite instances in which a girl’s actions can be warranted slutty. Through my work with StopSlut and SLUT: The Play we’ve come to understand slut shaming as the process through which girls and women are attacked (both verbally and over social media) for their transgression of accepted codes of conduct. Slut shaming is a pervasive part of our culture (in high school especially) – it encourages a double standard and systemically leads girls to believe that they are less of a person.
Hundreds of middle school and high school girls and boys from the New York/New Jersey area have come forward as victims, perpetrators, or bystanders of slut shaming. They are taking action in their communities and are committed to making a difference through a movement called StopSlut founded by the directors and actors of The Arts Effect All Girl Theater Company, after their run of SLUT: The Play.
SLUT: The Play follows the story of 16-year old Joanna “Joey” Del Marco, who was raped by three friends in the back of a NYC taxicab during a Friday night out. The play, which is inspired by real events, emphasizes the effects of slut shaming and slut culture on the lives of teens and stresses the importance of empathy. SLUT, starring female NYC high school students, has made an incredible impact across the country, opening the eyes of people of all ages, enabling them to identify rape culture in their communities and share their own stories.
In 2014, the cast of SLUT: The Play took the play across the country, traveling to Los Angeles, California, Fargo, North Dakota, as well as staging shows here in NYC. I was fortunate to be involved in the Fargo and New York shows, and on my trip I’d witnessed something that many call the “me too” phenomenon. After each show, we’d hold a talkback, a time where the cast and the audience engage in a Q&A, and share opinions or personal experiences. After one of our performances in Fargo, a girl from the local high school stood up, hands shaking, and tears streaming down her face. She told to us that she’d been raped, but didn’t realize that it was rape until seeing SLUT. She explained she didn’t identify what happened to her as rape because she’d been so viciously slut shamed and her feelings about her assault had been invalidated by her peers. Immediately after, a handful of women and girls in an audience came forward and said that they’d be sexually assaulted. This is the “me too” phenomenon – women and girls (men and boys, too) realizing that they are not alone. Witnessing the “me too” is common occurrence after each show in every city, as soon as one person speaks her or his truth, more follow.
This is why SLUT: The Play is so important. Not only do we have the ability to share a story and present the realities of what young women are face daily, the show creates a safe space for girls and women to talk about their experiences. Seeing the “me too” only reinforced my belief that everyone is impacted by slut shaming and rape culture, whether they’re victims or witnesses.
People out there want to have these conversations, but so many are being shut down and shamed because the topic is makes others (especially adults) uncomfortable. With each performance, we met audiences packed with people who were passionate about making a change, and that’s what lead us to the creation of the StopSlut Movement. StopSlut gives young people an outlet and the support system to talk about their experiences, while also providing tools to take back into the community and make a change. StopSlut has branches in over 20 high schools in New York City alone, and more groups are being established nationwide. StopSlut encourages students to gather their peers to raise awareness through slam poetry, monologues, plays, poems, songs, essays, paintings, and more.
What can YOU do? Everyone has the ability to make a change, and an amazing first step would be to take the words slut, whore, thot (or any word of a similar connotation) out of your vocabulary. Most importantly, you have the power take action even in your day-to-day life – the power to be an active bystander and intervene, and the power to shut down slut shaming. When you see someone being slut shamed online or in the hallways, step in and speak up. These little forms of protest go a long way in transforming rape culture.
The truth is: we should all have the freedom to be whole people. Miley gets to twerk and pass laws, friends! The reality is, everyone benefits when both halves of the population are empowered to the fullest rather than shamed and judged into boxes, and silenced. That’s why it’s time to StopSlut.
